If you have followed me from the beginning you will know that I am a bit of a jack of all trades… ok so that will likely just be my friends and family then…Very Healthy Caterpillar…Getting to know me!
My glamorous CV
I have worked since I was
16 13 when I started a paper round. I then got myself my first proper part time job working at mcdonalds at the young age of 16. Cool hey… such a glamorous life!
When I finished 6th form I became a visual merchandiser at GAP. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I’d stuck with this job because I actually loved it. I just didn’t love the new manager. I’d always said I wanted to be an interior designer or something along those lines but I never had the courage to see it through.
I then became a cashier for Natwest… this was totally not my cup of tea. In fact I remember before going to the interview saying to my mum I really do not want this job! She said you will probably get it then! And she was right. Obviously doing a job that is a far cry from what you would really like to do means you soon move on.
The job that helped shape me
I then started what would be over a decade with the NHS as a Health care assistant after I decided I wanted to be a midwife! I loved the job. It was on a gynae ward but the end goal was to be a midwife so I went for an interview at a uni to train and soon discovered I was totally unprepared for what would come. Needless to say it was the first interview I did not succeed at… but as they say everything happens for a reason.
I continued to work as a health care assistant while I decided what next which is when I decided to train as a children’s nurse. I would have loved to have experienced working as a health care assistant on a children’s ward but at the time the hospital I worked at didn’t have such a role.
I went on to interview for a place at Southbank university in what was my first gruelling interview with a lady who ended up being my tutor. She was the scariest lady I have ever met but she did it to make sure no time wasters snuck through the net. To this day I’m not sure how I wasn’t put off by this.
I completed my nurse training at Southbank university in London with my training at Great Ormond street predominately and a short spell at UCLH in London, whilst working in a golf club behind the bar to help with the bills.
I qualified and got my first job on a busy children’s oncology ward. I spent 7ish years here with short breaks to have babies. It came with a lot of emotions but I loved looking after these very special families. This job or should I say life choices is potentially the start of why I am not nursing now… Confidence and lack of self belief!
I had my first daughter soon after qualifying. I do not regret a single minute of this decision. She was very wanted but when I returned from maternity leave I was no longer seen as a newbie and I think my confidence took a huge knock. I quickly became pregnant again with my second daughter and at this point was not sure I would go back but I was persuaded to return…
I dabbled in some cake decorating while working on the ward letting my creative side loose but this was not going to make me millions. In fact I was probably working at a loss as the cakes would take hours to make and the pay was shocking!
I then applied for a job as a community nurse. It was the best decision I made. I soon settled in and made some amazing life long friends… but my “caring nature” and wearing of my heart on my sleeve ironically as these are great attributes to being a nurse slowly started to break me, and then the worst imaginable thing happened and I lost someone very close to me. I could no longer cope with the heartache that came with my job and struggled to let the positives of it come to the forefront of why I loved my job! I am still coming to terms with giving this life up but I do not regret it. “Unemployed” Blogging! New chapter! My heartfelt blog to the end of an era…
I gave nursing 9yrs plus 3yrs training. Thats a third of my life. Nothing compared to what some will give and I wish I could have been one of those people but my mental health and quality time with my family became more important than any title I could ever have.
A life outside of nursing
In the background of all this I had started a nutrition course as I had a growing passion for nutrition and fitness. I became a qualified nutrition coach but didn’t have any idea what I would do with it…
So I started this blog and various social media accounts to keep me busy and share my journey while I figure that bit out. I
hoped hope you all find it motivating and inspires some of you to try a healthier lifestyle as that is all I want from it!
As I have always worked I decided I did not want to sit at home not doing anything and missed the social interaction that comes with working so I started volunteering for BeeZee bodies… something I will likely continue…
But with it only being 2hrs a week I knew I needed to get myself a job… slowly the fear set in that I would have to go through interviews and explaining my
ridiculous extensive CV away to somebody. Then comes the dreaded question of why do you want this job when in reality I probably wouldn’t and would need to lie my way through.
Realising your worth
A job at my girls school came up in their kitchen. Just 2hrs a day during term time. Perfect I thought. I can get out of the house… get inside knowledge of a schools kitchen (my big goal in life is to teach kids about the importance of nutrition in a fun way), and it fits around school life with the girls.
I felt like a complete fraud as I sat in that interview! When she asked why I had given up nursing. Why not become a carer? Why catering? I tried to sell myself but I know I did a very bad job of it.. or at last I thought I had. Some of the questions made me feel very uncomfortable as they are still so raw and I haven’t come to terms with it all yet! But… I actually got the job!
She actually said that my nursing experience showed her that I am used to working in a busy environment, as part of a team where everyone works as equals. For the first time I felt relaxed that people will not judge me on giving up on my nursing and it would not go against me and that sometimes your experiences can be very transferable even if they are complete worlds apart.
This job is not my dream job! In fact when I told my friends I actually said to not tell anyone as I felt a bit embarrassed because this was not how I saw my future when I left nursing. I’m sorry if that offends anyone. I certainly do not think its a worthless job but it wasn’t in my life plan. Stupid I know. But I also know I need this! I have found giving up work harder than I thought it would be. It is lovely having free time to do what you want everyday but not having the independence of my own income even if it is going to be tiny and the lack of interaction with adults has probably hindered my mental health.
I feel I can be honest and say now that my anxiety to socialise has probably worsened, unless its behind this screen.
Some people may not understand why I have taken this job and I know some believe I’d be better becoming a PT or something more relevant to my passions right now… and I’d probably agree with them, but right now my confidence is at the lowest it has ever been and I can not spend anymore money to retrain with out the confidence to think I’d actually be good at it.
The next chapter in this long book
This job will allow me to continue blogging… continue with my growing love for running and the therapy I get from the running community. It will allow me the time to take on challenges I want to achieve in the next few years… allow me the time to mend a years worth of heartache… but most of all it will allow me to spend the time I crave with my girls as they are my world and my incentive for getting back to my old self!
I am making new friends through my running and dare I say it instagram and blogging and I want to build the confidence to brave one day meeting some of these people that help to inspire and motivate me. I want them to see the same person that appears on this page that in reality is not the same confident person when not behind it!
My trainers to me are like Clark Kents cape to him! When they are on I feel like I can tackle the world and its problems but take the girl out of the trainers and I am just not the same! An ordinary girls just battling to be happy again.
Running is where my confidence is at… no matter how slow or how far I go… I am going somewhere!
You can follow my training for Royal Parks Half Marathon training which I am doing in October as I will be blogging and vlogging about my weeks training every Monday.
I know I talk about nutrition and running heaps to all my friends and family and I’m sorry I probably bore you all senseless but I finally feel like I have found something I am good at and something I can be really good at if given the chance to grow!
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.